To out think or outsmart a facilitator is not hard. To catch him or her in a blunder is easier. Just the other day I was working with some high school students for Plano East High School. The activity at the time was called Gutter Ball. With a few restrictive boundaries the objective is to have a ball roll across the wood planks such that it goes from point A to point B; a distance about 20 feet.  During the exercise, instead of saying, “roll” I said “travel” to point B. The students took it for literal translation and placed the ball on the plank and just walked it to its destination in all of 6 seconds.

As someone who has been working in experiential training for over 15 years, I would hope to have learned from previous mistakes and learn to roll with it. (No pun intended.) Well, I made them do it again and they got frustrated with me. At the time I couldn’t see why. In my mind it was clear, the ball had to roll to the end. So I repeated myself louder for all to hear. “You all are not listening to me, the ball needs to travel to the other end.”  They growled at me for making them redo it so this time they trapped the ball between two planks and again proceeded to walk to the end. I was beside myself. How could they not get it? They looked at me and said traveling is traveling. One brave student looked me square in the eye and asked with respectful harshness, “What…What is it that you want?” “I want the ball to ro…” As I stopped in mid sentence, clearly I was not being a good communicator. It is within those times that you eat your words.

So what do you do when you blunder? First, let it be clear, don’t blame the ones in the group. You will lose all respect from them and will not get it back for the day. Take full responsibility. Talk to the group let it be a learning lesson for all. Tell them of your full intentions and ask what you could have done better. You will be surprised when they tell you their needs. When they do, it will make it easier for you because they trust you more and you will know how to communicate within your group’s needs.

Second, if you catch the blunder before they do, let them succeed within the guidelines given. Don’t be afraid to let it go and let them work. Usually this happens when you forget telling them a rule or when like me you do not make it clear. Praise them for the success. Accomplishing something easily may give them the confidence to work efficiently under the stress you were originally trying to give. When done, just challenge them with level two and add what you missed or didn’t make clear.

Learn to do that and the facilitator will become the student and be better for it.

I remember working an event with a Medical company out of Dallas. Their main focus was to understand change. Their company is going through a transformation and so they brought ten of their top main leaders out to train and then send them back to new and different groups.
That day I was in charge of the high ropes course. The course consisted of the rock wall to zip line and then later who ever wanted, could go on the pamper pole. The 45 foot high wall proved to be a big lesson for them. One woman in particular was climbing and half way through she got stuck. Now you have to understand in the challenge course world getting stuck is when a person get’s trapped by their own fear and can not see passed a one foot radius past their face. When this happens fear and anxiety increases then they don’t want to continue. It’s not the fact that the task is more than their abilities; it’s just that they loose focus and freeze up in the moment.
The rock holds were there for her convenience but she couldn’t see past her fear. It took her co-workers to not only encourage her but also to be her eyes to help her find the appropriate path.
She eventually made it to the top and went off the zip-line. Sally, we’ll call her, admitted later she really appreciated them for the guidance. Later, Sally had the opportunity to do the same for someone else to encourage and guide. During our huddle at the end of the day she mentioned that as leaders she could really see the benefit to have an accountability partner to guide her when she gets overwhelmed with tasks. To be in both positions helped her see the struggles that leaders can go through and it’s nice to know that if someone has gone through similar situations the can help you see things coming you can’t. Leading from a 30 foot distance proved to be helpful for them. One of Sally’s co-workers also mentioned that you don’t have to be over someone’s shoulder to lead. You just have to be available.  As a matter of fact it came to the conclusion that if they were climbing together the so-called leader would also get caught in the same situation then both not being able to see a solution.
So remember sometimes when leading or looking for leadership it doesn’t have to come from within your own group or team. It can come from a distance. Just be sure you have those distance people in place to yell up some guidance when needed.

When is it best to just give your experience and knowledge or to have a group or individually discover it on their own?

Lately, I have been working on holding myself back and just asking questions. As a leader/facilitator it’s best to do a lesson and or activity so the group can be made to think on their own. But often times the group looks at you with silence hoping that you will give an answer so that they can move on. This can be caused from numerous things. There are two that rise to the top. One, the group has been conditioned to the convenience of life and being told what to do brings that comfort of convenience. Second they really don’t have a clue to the answer and need true guidance.

So where is the balance?

Let me share two stories. The first story consists of a High School Volleyball team of senior girls. I asked the question “what will it take for you as a team to be successful this season?” I set before them a blank sheet of paper. The exercise was to come up with all the things that would make them a successful team and write them down. As they giggled and wrote, the coach’s eyes got wider and looked at me with astonishment. As we looked over their paper, the girls wrote:

We want to be pretty.
We Hate Cheerleaders!
We don’t want to run the mile.
We love to dance.
We want to be happy.

The coach and I were floored to say the least. He looked and whispered, “Fix this please!” With careful thought, I responded, “Now…give me a minute last’s do something first.”

I took the ladies over to do an activity called “Block Flip,” its high activity, high energy with thinking that forces synergy. They were successful after 5 minutes.

My second story, a coach approached with her soccer team. “These girls have had a hard year last season and I need to get them to focus and not fight about little things.” So naturally when the time was right we played “Helium Pole.” It’s a slow moving game with very little physical activity that focuses on communication while under stress. They failed miserably and were fighting the whole time.

Now back to my first story, the ladies didn’t care. They just wanted to skip practice and have fun. But after they finished their activity, I asked a few simple questions. For example, “What did it take for you ladies to be successful?” Their answer was simple as you may guess, communication; sharing of ideas, trust in the team. My next question was this, “If you played with an attitude like the one on your list from earlier, would this team get far or even be respected by others?” At once they all had the same “awe hah” moment and realized they needed to find true values. So we went back and made a new list and used it as a contract for the team to live and play by as a team.

The second story didn’t have the “awe huh” moment. We talked after the game and expressed their thoughts, they were; I wasn’t respected, no one listened, why can’t you do your part (and it wasn’t their fault). The blame was pointed to everyone but themselves. When asked if this response would bring success on the soccer field, they agreed that it wouldn’t. “What are some ways to communicate without having to get to this point?” They didn’t have an answer. I tried guiding with more questions but they just simply needed to be told about basic effective communication. With a few suggestions they went back to the activity and were able to accomplish it on the first try. With direct answers to the solution and then being able to apply it, made a big difference. They got their “awe hah” moments and were able to apply it in others areas as well.

It’s good for a group to go over their thoughts. For them, to be uncomfortable in silence, to have them dig deep in their thoughts brings solutions. To physically see the “awe hah” moment go off and be able to share that experience with the group is a wonderful experience. But that experience is different with every individual on the team. Others may have had an “awe hah” moment that is totally different than what I saw the team do. Why step on that moment of thought with mine own. In those cases it’s best to keeping asking questions for their thought processes and share them with their group or team.

But then there are times when the group just doesn’t get it. They need to be educated on the basic functions of a team. When living or working on your own so much a person just focuses on themselves not knowing that it causes greater harm not to focus on the team and it’s needs.

So where is the balance? Most often, stay silent and ask the questions. But in some cases you do have to share your expertise.